Proper credit.

“When we don’t understand something is a gift, we won’t give it the proper credit [appreciation/time/love] it deserves” – Luvvie Ajayi

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Sometimes, I silence my voice or deny myself an opportunity to experience and enjoy something because I fail to realize it’s a gift. I downplay it or I ignore it or a I take it for granted.

I have to practice calling my love what it is. I have to stop calling my passion a hobby and better yet, I have to stop treating my passion as a hobby. If I love it, it’s only right that I do/be it.

A lot of times, fear stands in the place of execution. Or even that annoying voice that tries to tell me I’m not special/unique/original/creative/pretty/entrepreneurial/confident enough to do what I want to do/be. But I am enough. I am dope as is in whichever space I choose to find my truth.

—-

Not everyone can do what YOU do. No one else can BE YOU. There may be some very similar in the same field or lane, but YOU hold your own special place. No one (not one) can take that which is yours. So give your gift it’s proper credit. Love on it; Call it by it’s name; pursue it!

—-

PS: I don’t know if y’all have been listening to the Jesus and Jollof podcast by Luvvie Ajayi and Yvonne Orji, but episode 3 and 4 blessed my ENTIRE soul so much so that I keep re-listening and finding new nuggets. Take a listen!

—-

This is a quick share simply to affirm in you (and myself) TRUTH. Love y’all – Lauren

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Who do I say I am?

As I finished my corporate workday, this question continued to be asked of me “…But Lauren, who do you say you are?”

I’d think on it for a second and then lose focus and continue on with my work. After the 4th time I figured I should probably take the question seriously. If God’s asking four times then He must need my attention (I’m so hard headed).

So I put everything down and simply answered the question…well tried to, but I found it a little difficult. Truth is, when I first got the question over a week ago, I couldn’t answer it then either and it’s easiest to just ignore/avoid. So that’s what I did…avoided. But here it is again…“Lauren, who do you say you are?”

I am Lauren…I’m dope; full of love and light; super caring. i’m a good problem solver. i’m a beautiful human being with lots to share with others. i’m confident; I have a presence that is often felt, but not overbearing; I am Lauren…I’m empathetic – my heart is big; I’m a good listener with deep-rooted wisdom. I am Lauren…I’m goofy and a little awkward at times.

That took me a little time to answer, honestly. I know I’m a dope person. It’s just not always a fluid thought – but why is that? I think at one point it used to be, but it faded some when I started second guessing myself in everything I did and thought. I started caring more of how I came off to others and even what they thought.

We are quick to ask what others think of us or even who we want to be to the world, but WHO DO YOU SAY YOU ARE? I hope that question stays with you until you can answer it and its fluid for you. I kind of want it haunt you (and me). Not in an eerie way…I just want us to ask ourselves and know the answer. Its your truth. Your truth is to be treasured far more than who and what everyone else says.

We gotta affirm that which is inside and not just what others see in us. Because when we know it’ll be shown in how we walk, talk, AND how we think.

So…who do you say you are?

making time for me.

I remember boldly declaring, “This Summer, I’m going to fall madly in love with myself.” That was summer 2015. I hate to say I’ve fallen out of love with myself, but I certainly haven’t done a great job of loving me; spending time with me; making time for me; having a relationship with me.

It seemed like such a great goal to achieve that summer (and it was so needed, especially at that time), but as y’all know, we learn, we evolve, we change and we have to continue to get to know the person we are becoming. Sometimes that requires us to learn how to love ourselves in new ways too.

Previously, I had an abundant amount of free time, that I pretty much dedicated to just me..I worked out, I read books, I wrote, I planned for the future, I slept, I communed with others from time to time. Now, I have a demanding job, a husband, bills, responsibilities, commitments, a miniature social life, etc. And in all that, it’s imperative that I still find time for Lauren.

Even as other things fight to take my attention, I can’t forget my priorities.

Put importance on your priorities.

I have workaholic tendencies, so my hubby, being the caring and observant person he is, asked me when’s the last time I did something exclusively for Lauren. Of course he already knew the answer to that question, so he politely broke it down to me like this:

“You have 24 hours in a day – approximately 1/3 of the day goes to sleep/rest, the other 1/3 goes to your job and that last 1/3 of the pie – should go to you.”

I don’t know about you, but this was new to me. It’s very logical and makes complete sense, but I quickly found all the faults in his simple theory: it’s not realistic; what about all my other responsibilities; My job requires me to do work after hours; how would this work if you have a family?

Again, he knows me well so he was quick to rebut with “…that’s why I challenge you to give yourself just one hour per day where you’re doing nothing, but something enjoyable to you.”

I agreed with him that, that sounded simple and easy enough to do. And then POW! 2 months go by and here I am asking myself why I’ve yet to do more than 3 “Hour for Lauren.” I’ve come to the conclusion, that I make a lot of EXCUSES for why I can’t do something, because at this point in my life, where things seem pretty busy, I haven’t made myself much of a priority.

I know in theory, that I have to love and love on Lauren, but I put forth little effort to actually make that happen. I mean well, but I don’t necessarily do well.

We can intend to do something, but intention and action are 2 different things.

Anyone else at that same place? Intending to do well, but not really doing it??

What’s an excuse you cannot make for yourself today?

Personally, I can no longer stand behind the excuse that I have to work.

I’ve broken this down for me like this – Sure, there’s work that needs to get done, but my life goal is not to work myself to death; Not everything has to be done right then and there, some things can wait until the next day;  I also can’t be the best me at my job if I’m not renewing myself on a consistent basis.

I believe there’s time that can be dedicated to just you, it’s just a matter of us finding it and whole-heartedly believing we are worthy and deserving of that time.

We gotta do a better of job of not just talking about loving ourselves, but actually relinquishing those distractions and excuses, and making it a habit and priority.

-Lauren Relinquished ❤

Gettin’ married and whatnot

**So as you all know, shortie got married *oooooouuuuuu* 🙂 So, I wanted to write a quick blog post to give insight, show appreciation, give shout outs! There’s no way we could have done it by ourselves so the support around us has meant so much! I also wanted to share because I don’t loosen reigns all that easily, so planning over the last year has definitely been a testament of RELINQUISHING. I’ve personally learned a lot about myself; My husband and I have learned a lot; we’ve learned alot about how we work together as a couple; we’ve learned a lot about the people around us  too! It’s been quite the experience to say the least…**

 

Marrying my best friend: 

A lot of people speculated so much would change; So many things will be different, etc etc. But I can’t say much has changed. Personality-wise we’re still the same individually and with one another. Neither one of us feel too differently, I guess since we been at this for 7 years…

We’re definitely excited for this part of the journey tho!!

The support systems: 
 
Family! Wow wow wow! Thank you all so much! To the mommas, dad, sisters! Y’all came throughhhhh! We love y’all so much! Thank you for supporting us and then some! For the wisdom, the love, the calls, the just in cases, sacrifice, finances, EVERYTHING!
Let me tell y’all bout my wedding planner and coordinator thOooo. She often knew before i did. Challenged me to create my vision and walked me through the steps to make it come alive. When i deterred and wanted to be basic, she wouldn’t let me and always did so in the most loving of ways! Like y’all, she’s just amazing!  I’m definitely hard-headed and a lot of times didn’t want to take the help, but she insisted with a smile on her face. I can honestly say the day wouldn’t have come together if it weren’t for her. I’m a procrastinator and her leading and questions were clutch. I’m sure she wanted to hit me upside the head a couple times, BUT she did everything with so much love and professionalism. I’d recommend her to everyone I know! Currently planning? Looking to get married in a few years? Your cousin’s brother’s homeboy getting married? You need to know her. She did alterations on my dress (y’all saw me looking like a snack), my BEAUTIFUL head piece and bomb earrings to match! She even hand made my garter (i wanna cry thinking of how much she helped me). My point being – call her! Hit me up for the deets! Rajeanne Bridal –  THANK YOU! ❤
The melanin magic: 
So many beautiful brown people. My eyes were so in love 😍 big shout out to our families – mommas, daddies, sisters, pastors for showing up and showing out! Y’all fine! And of course the entire bride squad and all groomsmen! Yall’s support and sacrifices have meant so much to us and we are forever grateful! That “whatever it takes attitude” has us forever indebted. Our hearts are warmed and it meant so much to share the day with y’all!
Hired services and even more support: 
Loved the opportunity to work with these peeps to make the day everything and then some. My sanDs Courtney and Brittany are so bomb for coming through as make up artists and literally slaying! Y’all did an amazing job – faces were beat with excellence and i can’t thank y’all enough 😘😘*muah*
Shout out to Mr. Ray Keith IV for coming through for the men – everyone looked so handsome and stylish – thank you for seeing the vision and making it greater! I ain’t always the easiest to work with but you pushed through and we appreciate you good sir!
Shout out to my wedding singer – Tonie Cole! Voice of an angel! Choked up walking down the aisle! So special and such an amazing touch. Your professionalism is a breath of fresh air and your helpfulness is amazing! You even stopped in early and helped with some eyebrows (lol thanks girl!) can’t thank you enough!
Photography and Videography provided by Degrace Imagery! We opted for the wedding package and had an engagement photoshoot included. Hubby actually hates taking pics but they made us feel so comfortable. I’ll do a separate post of photos, but I wanted to shoutout the husband wife team because their awesome! 🙂
Hair for bridesmaids was done by Britney! – Lord thank you for her willingness to come in a hurry. I was playing about buns, but shortie came through for the ultimate hair slay! Everyone’s buns were laid and baby hairs were fleeky! Thank you boo!!
The food!! Big thanks to Rene’s Catering Kitchen for throwing down on the chicken and shredded roast!
Cake – I was Caked By Petite ❤ Love at first bite  and it tasted as good as it looked! Definitely recommend her for any occasion!
Also special shout out to D’Ominque for bringing her talents all the way to Atlanta and baking some bomb cupcakes at the rehearsal dinner! I can still take the chocolate ones with the chocolate icing (SO GOOD!)
And  also special shout to my self-appointed assistant (lol) Stephanie for being SOOOOOO clutch!
Y’all both were so down to help and ensure I had what I needed – THANK YOU!! Love yall!
And to all the extra hands that took the time to help decorate and make the reception pretty – WOW! Absolutely love y’all! The time crunch was a major setback, but y’all made it seamless. THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!
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We love and appreciate you all! Thank you for helping to make our wedding  special!                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                           ❤

snow day findings & inspiration.

Snow days. First and foremost, I haven’t felt this freedom since college. Snow days were like getting an extra day back on your calendar. And these last few days, I’ve used it as my excuse to not leave the house. It’s been pure bliss my friends.

I’ve been able to knock out some wedding planning. Watch movies and specials. Read books. Reflect. Spend time with the fiancé. Talk and envision with self. Its been sooooo good. So very needed.

So a couple things I want to share:

The wedding is going to be bomb – celebration of the year (I’m claiming that)! We’re just really excited to celebrate with family and friends!

Bae and I watched Tiffany Haddish’s Showtime special – she’s hilarious y’all. It’s not an act – she just is who she is. I read another chapter of Issa Rae’s book – Awkward (y’all, I am her lol). I caught up on all the missed videos on Yvonne Orji’s Instagram page –she’s a nut lol, yet so inspiring. All of them had me yelling “Dope!” at the screen this weekend – like they are just who they are! I appreciate that. I’m inspired by that. They’re making a difference simply by showing up as they are.

I wanted to share a couple lessons I got from them:

  • No matter how dorky, how crazy, how awkward you are – you CAN be you.
  • The best you is the free you. (There’s no need to put yourself in a box nor operate in what others want you to be. When you submit to who you are and who you’ve been created to be, you can be you fearlessly and freely.)
  • If you believe you can, who can tell you differently? (If you gotta dream, go get it!)
  • Run your race! (No one can tell you how to live your life.)
  • Find the good in everything! (The power of positive thinking and goal setting.)
  • Know your why (Don’t forget what you’re doing it for. Let that be the thing that keeps you going.)
  • Keep creating your passions and don’t make excuses for yourself!

We all need reminders and inspiration. Be inspired. Be reminded.

Live life relinquished folks! –

Lauren ❤

How did you get to this point?

If you’re looking at your mountain and it feels impossible, I challenge you to take a walk down memory lane. How’d you get to this point? 

This morning I found myself in the book of Numbers with the Children of Israel (I often read an aspect of The Children of Israel story and think they’re so ridiculous how they carry on and doubt, etc. But then I’m shown how similar I am to them. LOL in my every day life, I too struggle with doubt and forgetfulness and much more).

So at this particular place in Numbers, Moses has just sent a spy party out to canvas the area and find their promised land flowing with milk and honey (Numbers 13:1-3, 21-25). When the spy party returns, they tell all the people that the land flows with milk and honey, BUT there are giants living there who are much more powerful than they and there’s no way they can get the land. They even go as far as to suggest they find a leader to take them back to Egypt because they think they should have never left in the first place (Numbers 13:26-33, 14:1-4).

Y’all on the outside looking in, I am soooooooo confused as to why these fools are trying to go back! I almost threw my phone reading that – like what the heck?!

But then, I could see the correlation to that in my life. Can I be real with y’all? There are several unknowns when starting a business. Relinquish has been such a blessing and a challenge and thorn in my side. And honestly I don’t know what I’m doing a lot of the time, and I get a gnawing a feeling that maybe I should just close down shop and that “at least I can say I did it” attitude with the fake smile through the tears. But can I tell you – that mindset is such a cop out! Just like the children of Isreal, God has done numerous things to get me to where I am now. HE HAS MADE A WAY! He’s parted the Red Sea; He’s given food in barren paces; He’s led and guided me and STILL I get to a place and get presented with a few challenges and I’m ready to throw in the towel?? Like NAH bruh! Don’t just give up like that! Pause and ask “How did I get to this point!?”

Back to the story – apparently Joshua (who went out with the spy party) has some sense! He’s like (paraphrasing) “is that really all y’all saw?! God didn’t bring us to this land for us to be intimidated by the giants and go home.” And I think perhaps the dopest thing Joshua says is …do not rebel against the LORD, nor fear the people of the land, for they are our bread…”(Numbers‬ ‭14:9‬). <— Are y’all reading that?!? He said those giants are bread! That giant, that challenge, that mountain, that hurdle (whatever you are facing) should not be looked at as a wall but as a source of fuel (food) to give you energy to keep going!!!!

LORD HAVE MERCY!! I just took a lap around my townhouse y’all. I’m out of breath and don’t have anything left, so I leave you with this – as you recall how you got to this point, make sure you note every time The Lord has allocated; Every time He has made a way; Every time he has provided for you; Every time He protected you. And see there is a REASON you stand where you are today. Don’t turn back because it’s difficult or unclear. Follow through with what The Lord has started!

Love y’all! –

Lauren Relinquished ❤

Reminiscing the first photo shoot for Relinquish™

Last year around this time I was preparing to shoot and introduce for THE very first time “Relinquish Wear.” I just got goosebumps thinking about it. I don’t think the planning was too much. I think it was that pit in my stomach that was my biggest hurdle to overcome. Sharing Relinquish publicly felt like so much (even if it was only 6 people at the shoot lol). I felt like my head was on the chopping block or something. Ok, that was really dramatic. I mean it really just felt like I was giving so much at that particular time. And I was. I’m a pretty private person, so sharing can be challenging at times. I felt so much of me was built into the apparel and the thought of sharing with others scared me, not to mention the thought of them also not understanding Relinquish and the affirmation apparel. But I told myself when I first started blogging in 2015 that I was doing it for me and that was that. If I really wanted to do something I shouldn’t be questioning and making excuses, I should just be doing. So that’s what carried me forward. I wanted to start an apparel line, so I did. I gathered some of the coolest people my fiancé knew and the 2 people I knew and we headed down to the streets of Atlanta and just shot and chilled.

It was amazing to be behind the camera. Director and shooter. Making up stuff as I went. Taking in suggestions and creating with everyone. Seeing the vision come to fruition was such a dope and liberating experience!
I remember that day vividly. And as I look back I hope I really savored that day too and what it meant. There’s been a lot of growth since that day. Relinquish is still coming along and has plenty of room to grow. We’re learning tho…you know learning and loving and growing through it all. So I’m staying faithful to the vision and purpose. Cheers to Relinquish Wear and all that it is so far and all it will become! *clinks glass*
-Lauren Relinquished
*Are you interested in participating in the next shoot? Email: LaurenRelinquished@GMail.com! or DM: @RelinquishWear on instagram*

Peace is my choice.

Much of my weekday is a constant go-go-go.

Be here at this time; connect with this person; sell this account; handle this service issue; fill out paper work; call this person; etc. And because of the demand, I seldom take a break. However today is different. Over the last couple months, I’ve been really been mindful of my peace. Where it’s at? What’s standing in the way of it? What foundation its built on; etc.

My peace is so important to me. I think I’ve known that on a basic level, but never truly understood that until life got real, REAL (so to speak). Like, when I was in a depressed state, peace usually felt pretty unattainable. And then like now, having a sales job, there are a lot of stressors at play. And if not careful, they’ll run you. I can’t have that tho. My being CANNOT be dependent on every little thing around me affecting me. I have to be able to take things as they come (because life is always throwing stuff; and people are continually…um people lol), so I have to be able to manage what’s “real” and whats not; what I can change and what I cannot: What’s worth my attention and what is not; Etc.

So today, I decided to take a quick break….enjoy this bench in this breezeway and enjoy and regain my peace. Because I should and I can.

-Lauren Relinquished

Remember to Relinquish

I’d say I’m past the days of shooting for perfection, yet I still find myself clinging and holding tightly to the idea of it. That “if I just do ____________ , it’ll be just right” type attitude. But that type of perspective throws off aim and focus. Forgetting what I’m doing “it” for in the first place. And when I find myself in those lost places I used to be kind of devastated you know? Now, I take them more like forced pauses, but in a good way. It’s an opportunity to stop. Just stop. Look around and observe my surroundings and how I got there. To take one hand off the the bar I’m holding so tightly to, and let loose a little. And it’s in those moments that I find God and my peace again and stop fretting. I’m told to Relinquish and right there…that’s all I need.

Be still. Breathe in. Breathe out. Remember to Relinquish.

No safety in playing small

-Where’s the power in playing small?

-Small mindedness yields small returns.
Years ago, I crossed paths with someone who challenged like every ounce of me. I always looked up to her and naturally during the period she became my mentor. One of the biggest things she taught me was to stop being feeble-minded.
Definition of Feeble:
Lacking strength of character.
Definition of “Feeble”: lacking strength of character Synonyms: cowardlycravenfaint-heartedspinelessspiritlesslily-liveredchinless

So funny that to this day I still hear her voice – “Don’t be feeble-minded, Lauren.” And she had this uncanny way of saying it jokingly, but at the same time you knew she was serious.
If you play small. You’ll be small.
If you think small. You’ll be small.
And I still remember the way Marianne Williamson’s poem “Our Deepest Fear” made me feel when I first heard it.
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.” 
(And yes, my first time hearing this was on the movie “Coach Carter” lol (if you’ve never seen that cinematic great, put it on your to-do list).)
The point is, sometimes it’s scary to think of how powerful we are. And I think some of my issue is playing in the “safe” area because then there is no “big failure” on the books. But in actuality, I don’t feel very safe in the “small” me.
And this failure that I’m afraid of is in a lot of ways, not real. No one is truly keeping track; it’s just in my head. It’s me that feels the realest deficit when I’m not being what’s so deeply ingrained in me. Just my sick sense of needing approval from others.
But I have a hard time with that – if it’s been placed on my heart – what other approval am I needing? My heart and spirit says so, so all I need to do is actualize. Bring it to fruition. Live and breathe it.
#RELINQUISH
-Lauren