Torn.

Truth is…I don’t know how I feel.
I get this falling feeling in my stomach at times.
Sometimes my eye sockets well up with mini oceans.
Other times I’m so giddy I could skip and jump rainbows or something.

I’m all over the place is what I am. And in the midst of it all, it still feels pretty unreal (but then the lack of pennies in my savings brings me back to reality lol).

I don’t know about this whole moving thing right now. I knew I was in for a real treat from the start though. When I started dreaming, praying and investigating my options, I remember it all felt so easy. Not that kind of “it’s never going to happen” easy, but that kind of easiness that makes you feel like it all be a smooth transition and all your ducks will fall right into place.

And it’s not that my ducks aren’t in place, but no one told me my feelings would be all over the place like this. Sheesh. I’m not sure what to feel. It’s all so new…and kind of scary quite frankly.

This will be my first big move on my own. In a way college didn’t completely count because I never took all of my furniture and I was only a 75 minute drive away. Now, I’ll be 450 minutes away 😫 (ay, but there are a couple people I’m ok being that far from 😅 just kidding – I love everyone lol)  Oh and did I mention how much I’m going to miss my momma and her cooking??

I know new adventures await me. I know it’s been God approved, but I must admit…right now I’m a little torn…

…but in a good way.

Yes, my feelings are all over the place, but it’s only because I realize all the gems that I’ve been blessed to encounter; the dope people who’ve enriched my life; the people who love me; the new experiences I’ve had here *sniffles* I miss my framily  and this city already! 

I’m tearing away from the old and being introduced to the new right now…and its different, but I can’t say I don’t like what I see 😏
As the day grows closer, everything is getting more and more real *bites nails*

I’m nervous, but I’m still very expectant!

Say a prayer for lil’ ol me!

Updates to come –

Lauren😬

Expecting.

I’m sitting here thinking about this time last year when I was preparing to go on my very first mission trip to Cape Town, South Africa. I was nervous and excited all at the same time; I felt so blessed and privileged for the opportunity to embark on that adventure. I was also super expectant and just knew that it would be life-changing…and it was.

Today, almost mirrors last year. The only thing that separates then from now is 365 days of time and space. Just like last year, I’m nervous and excited and feeling incredibly blessed for the opportunity that lays before me. I will be embarking on a new adventure and relocating to Georgia! And I am expecting this May and beyond to be nothing short of life-changing, as well 🙂

As you can imagine, I’m stoked for the newness, but you know “new” can also be kind of scary. Not to mention, transitioning mentally, physically and spiritually into this new season has its moments. There are ways you prepare yourself (and others) for what’s to come, but I think you can only prepare so much.

As I reflect on last year, I think about what I did to prepare for that almost 8,300 mile voyage to Cape Town South Africa. I got shots, I shopped, I put in vacation time, I gave notice, I fund-raised, I prayed, etc. And there was another thing…I’m not sure I realized how instrumental this was to the preparation process at the time, but now it’s glaring—

I EXPECTED.

I expected to experience and see God in South Africa. I expected Him to meet me there and show me new things. I expected that I would return home changed. I expected I would grow deeper relationships and gain new friends.

I had a mindset of expectancy that said “I’m expecting great things and I’m not taking ‘no’ for an answer.”

I believe this attitude opened me up to fully experience my situation in a different way.

I’m not talking about what you think “should” happen or how you think it “should” happen, I’m simply talking about expecting something to happen.

Expecting means to anticipate the occurrence of something with reason (www.dictionary.com). You’re not closing yourself off to the details of how it can happen, but leaving yourself open for it TO happen whichever way it may. And honestly that takes a great deal of relinquishing control so you can just experience – you know…undergo, meet, feel, savor, enjoy…

So just like last May, this May – I am expecting.

I can’t promise that I’ll ever be fully prepared for the journey ahead, but I can promise myself that I will expect to experience God, life, surprises, love and growth.

Sincerely an Expectant Lauren ❤